dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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