kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
