How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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