Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
