Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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