either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
