pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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