WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
