If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
