we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
