So drunk its hurt
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
