is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
