u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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