She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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