There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My balls are so social today.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
