false alarm. still invincible.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
