Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
