ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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