Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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