I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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