Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
