Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We talked him into tasing himself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
