His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
