Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
