The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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