It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
