maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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