Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
