dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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