I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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