is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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