he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
bring money and cleavage
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
