tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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