Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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