tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
