Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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