Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
