its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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