For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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