so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
