how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
