im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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