my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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