yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
