Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
