i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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