ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
