I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
