yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
