I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
