Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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