cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
